Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour

:icongamecubist48: More from Gamecubist48

More from deviantART


Submitted on
October 24, 2009
File Size
2.4 KB


12 (who?)
Eric sat alone in the sterile white room, humming a tune and tapping his foot in an attempt to pass the time. He looked around the small room for a clock. Finding none, he frowned. Hadn't there been a clock the last time he was here?

The door opened and a man walked in. He had black hair and a starched coat, the same pristine white as the walls. Eric looked up at him and smiled.

"Ah, Dr. Chang!" he said brightly.

"Mr. Eric Fleming. You look well. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, I've been having trouble sleeping," said Eric, his grin fading. "I've been feeling alright physically.... I figure it might have to do with stress at work."

Dr. Chang made some quick notes on his clipboard and nodded. "Yes, stress is a common cause of insomnia. Remind me, what is it you do for a living?"

"Accounting. The work just keeps piling up. It seems like I never have enough time, y'know?"

The doctor nodded again. He crouched down to Eric's level and pulled out a stethoscope. "Breath in deep," he said.

After performing a few cursory examinations, Dr. Chang took a seat and began writing on the clipboard.

"So, how's everything look?" said Eric.

"No illnesses that I can tell. Tell me, Mr. Fleming, have you been getting much exercise?"

"Oh, not really," the patient replied. "Haven't had a lot of spare time, y'know, what with my job and all…."

"If you find yourself able, take some time to go jogging or do calisthenics. I think you'll find it very beneficial to both body and mind."

"You don't think I'll need to take any medication?"

"That won't be necessary," said Dr. Chang, standing again. "Just the exercise will do. Feel free to make another appointment if the insomnia persists. Oh, and one more thing…."

The doctor bent down and adjusted the straps on Eric's straightjacket.

"There you are," he said. "Nice and tight." He took his clipboard and headed toward the exit.

"See you later, Dr. Chang," said Eric with a smile.

"Goodbye, Mr. Fleming," said the doctor, unbolting the door and stepping out.

Eric sat alone again in the padded cell. He began humming, wondering what he would do with all his free time.
I've been meaning to do some flash fiction for a while, and I actually got around to it today. Just a little story with a twist ending. Tell me what you think.
Add a Comment:
PossumFan Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I love this, very nice ending.

+ fave
PossumFan Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome!
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
PearlsCat Oct 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Whoa, totally wasn't expecting that. Nice work!
kittyasha Oct 3, 2012  Student Writer
Ahhaa! Very good twist. The subtlety of Eric's situation at the beginning ("He looked around the small room for a clock. Finding none, he frowned. Hadn't there been a clock the last time he was here?") fooled me into thinking his situation was normal, and yet after going back to it the signs were considerably more obvious, adding to the irony!

It also gives me an interesting outlook on insanity. It actually reminded me a bit of "Shutter Island." Although this type of flash fiction has been done before, you contributed very well to the whole idea. The grammar and spelling are great too in this piece.

If I were to make a suggestion, this section right here-- "'Well, I've been having trouble sleeping. I've been feeling alright physically…. I figure it might have to do with stress at work,' said Eric, his grin fading." -- may sound better if you were to break it up into a couple sentences. For example, "Well, I've been having trouble sleeping," Eric replied. "I feel alright physically...(maybe even trail off and put, "he hesitated") I figure it might have to do with stress at work." This can add just a bit more detail and can have the wording flow more smoothly at the same time.

All in all, I really enjoyed this work. Great job! :D
Thanks for the compliments and the advice!
Lartovio Oct 3, 2012  Student General Artist
:lol: That was surprising! Nice little story you got there :)
Add a Comment: